Writing for Myself. And for Always.

By guest blogger Jenn Martin-Ilo

I RECENTLY LOST my job because my company decided to outsource some of its payroll HR duties. Since I’ve been home, I have done a lot of thinking: What else can you do with freedom?

(Okay, so I don’t really have much freedom since I have a six-month-old baby . . . but who’s counting?)

I have written down a list of the things I want to accomplish. Of course, finding new employment is at the top of the list. My family cannot survive without the dual income. Even if we must pay a sitter, it is slightly better than my staying home and collecting unemployment benefits.

Second on my list is to start writing more. Milli has been after me to be a guest writer for her other blog, Milliver’s Travels; however, even though I’ve started my blog post many times, I have yet to finish it. I wanted to do a piece about my wedding and the place where it was held (Editor’s note: Jenn was married in beautiful Hawai’i, which is why I’m after her to share this with us), but for some reason, when I sit down to write, the only things that come to mind are matter-of-fact occurrences: my best friend and matron of honor spilled wine on her gown before the wedding. We were lucky only because my girls’ dresses were a burgundy color.

I consistently sign up for 10K days and then flake out. I tell myself (and Milli) that it’s Baby keeping me from writing all day, yet I know that’s a cop-out. I am just too lazy. Fearful? Uninspired?

Isn’t the whole goal not really to write 10,000 words, but to WRITE, period?

Still, I am afraid. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid I won’t be able to meet the 10,000 word goal. I am afraid that even if I do write 10K words, they’ll be crap. I am afraid that if I put my wedding into words I won’t be able to describe the beauty that made it work. Such a simple wedding in such a simple place, yet it meant so very much.

Perhaps soon. Perhaps I shall get my behind in gear and write. Not for Milli. Not for an audience of blank faces. But for myself. And for always.

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When she’s not pulling expensive items from her son, JD’s, mouth, feeding him, or otherwise spending quality time with him, Jenn Martin-Ilo can be found somewhere deep inside the organized chaos of her Mililani, Hawaii home, usually on her computer, iPad, deeply engrossed in a book, or trying to gain back the trust of her two cats after bringing home the evil “hoomin kitteh” (translated: baby). Jenn has an English degree from the University of Hawaii and hopes to go back for her Master’s with a focus on Creative Non-fiction. She thinks that perhaps she’ll wait until her son is college-aged so she may do her part to embarrass him, as all parents are wont to do with their children at some point. She is currently collecting photos and videos of JD to add fuel to the embarrassment fire! Jenn tweets as Jemmie211.